Penn State co-ed boldly declares 'I love sex'

Yes, we know the subject line of this post sounds like something out of The Onion ("America's finest news source").

But it's true...

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Kristina Helfer is is a junior majoring in English and Spanish whose debut as the sex columnist for the Collegian was titled Let's talk sex, hugs and handjobs.

Kris's inaugural Mounting Nittany column contained the following revelations...

I love sex...

I am not a thrill seeker, per se. I hate heights; I will never go skydiving. I don’t ski or mountain bike or do any sort of extreme sports that give you the “rush” people describe, so I have sex.

Don’t think for a minute that sex is a less dangerous version of an extreme sport.

And frankly, I don’t think any extreme sport could give you the feeling that a white-knuckle, toe-curling orgasm does.

The pleasure runs up and down your entire body, and just for a moment — or if you’re lucky, quite a few moments — you disconnect from the stressful world.

We are Nittany Lions.

And we're mounting everyone.

We can't help but wonder if Miss Helfer likes getting it in the can.

Despite Miss Helfer's adventurous spirit, it seems unlikely that she's mounting starting wideout Derek Moye, who was described by Joe Paterno as having "a very conservative lifestyle."

Speaking of football, Miss Helfer also opines about sports, including a column earlier this month advocating a football uniform du jour.

Among her suggestions...

We were already known for our lack of creativity and now they’re even worse. Compared to teams like Oregon, who seemingly has a new jersey for every game, or Virginia Tech, who sported a black Nike Pro-Combat jersey last season, Penn State is struggling in the uniform department.

Every week people tune in to watch teams that have new equipment.

Really, new equipment is why fans tune in to watch Oregon and Virginia Tech? It's got nothing to do with them sporting a cumulative record of 11-2 and both being ranked in the Top 20?

When Maryland revealed its new uniforms at the beginning of the 2011 season, the school probably got more news coverage than ever before.

Maryland needed to do something to make news, because they aren't getting it done on field. The Terps are 2-4 so far, with little chance of making a bowl game.

Once a team changes the jersey, more fans will go out and buy the new fresh look, especially when it’s an appealing design.

Yeah, because nobody buys Penn State gear right now.

As the fan base grows, the team will want to fight harder to win and not let the fans, or themselves, down.

If having a big fan base was enough, Notre Dame wouldn't have gone 13 years without a bowl victory between 1994 and 2006.

Having well designed uniforms gets the excitement and confidence level up.

Having a well designed game plan helps even more! Hire Urban Meyer!

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